"A lie, Mr. Mulder, is most convincingly hidden between two truths."
-Deep Throat, The X-files
It's Sunday morning and you're awoken by sunlight streaming through your shades. Groggily, you reach over for your phone to check the time.
Revision: it's Sunday afternoon. You had a pretty hard night - even if you didn't remember exactly how much you drank, your inability to stand up without stumbling would have reminded you. That's what happens when it's nickel shot night at O'Halligan's.
Your head is killing you and walking is proving quite difficult. Do you:
- A) Find the nearest Waffle House, stat
- B) Take some advil and settle in to watch The Princess Bride for the millionth time
- C) Salt the shit out of two scrambled eggs and wash it down with a Diet Coke (that was my tactic, anyway)
- D) Grab some Vitamin Water then go about your day bright-eyed and bushy-tailed
Haha, Amish people! That's so random and edgy Vitamin Water, you totally get me.
Well, this commercial would lead you to believe that 'D' is the best option. Here are the claims made in this commercial. The first two are stated explicitly, while the last is implicit - meaning they never actually say this, but it is glaringly obvious from the commercial.
- Vitamin Water Revive has B vitamins and potassium
- Vitamin Water Revive will re-hydrate you
- Vitamin Water Revive will relieve hangovers
Let's look at these claims more in-depth:
Vitamin Water Revive has B Vitamins and Potassium
This is true. It DOES have these things. However, in trying to find exactly how much, I came across some confusion in the actual nutrition label on Vitamin Water and what their website says. It's possible this nutrition label information is out of date.
However, you shouldn't stop questioning there. The next question you need to ask is:
Why does it matter that this product has B vitamins and potassium?
In the context of normal day-to-day life, it doesn't matter. If you're not vegetarian, you're likely not deficient in any B vitamins. If you're not competing or training in endurance sports or suffering from diarrhea, you're likely not deficient in potassium. These are rare conditions.
So, if you're suffering from a hangover, does that change things? We'll go over that in our last point.
Vitamin Water will re-hydrate you
Well, the first ingredient in Vitamin Water is - you guessed it - water. (Right before the second ingredient - sugar. Mmmm it's like hydration candy, delicious!)
So yeah, if you're dehydrated, Vitamin Water can help re-hydrate you. So could tap water, or diet coke, or Gatorade, or tea, or broth...you get the idea.
Vitamin Water will relieve hangovers
Well, this is where we're getting into bullshit territory. You would think that given humanity's long history of enjoying getting hammered, we'd understand hangovers better. Unfortunately, we don't have a strong grasp on exactly why they happen.
Home remedies abound however, usually consisting of some kind of salty food and water to 're-hydrate' you. We all know that dehydration is the real cause of hangovers, right?
But, that's not really my point. This isn't an article about hangover cures.
My point was to draw your attention to one of many health and fitness marketing tactics: hiding the bullshit between some non-bullshit. You can find examples all over the place. Often you'll see this in nutrition products or supplements:
But you can also find it in different fitness routines:
In this case you have one realistic claim and two bullshit ones. A warm muscle is easier to stretch (4), detoxification is bullshit, and it's doubtful that a hot environment would increase cardiovascular benefits. (5 - an ACE sponsored study that I couldn't find in any database so take it with a grain of salt. Here's a different study showing benefits of training in heat...but it's with cyclists, who undoubtedly have a much different adaptation to their training the hot yogis.)
Or in fitness products, like the Sketcher's "Shape Up" shoes (I encourage you to watch this video and look for the numerous questionable promises), which claim to:
- Maximize calorie burn
- Improve circulation
- Strengthen muscles
While Shape-Ups (or literally any other footwear...or just your bare feet) could improve circulation and strengthen muscles - due to the fact that you are exercising while wearing them - they do not significantly change the amount of calories you burn performing a particular exercise. But it's easy to glance over that when you're watching an entire infomercial, isn't it?
Beware of the many claims put forth in advertisements and promotions of health and fitness products. It may be true that a protein powder helps build lean muscle and keep you full, but it probably doesn't keep your blood sugar levels steady or promote alert thinking while somehow at the same time reducing anxiety.
Take every claim one at a time. Many times the real benefits are just the benefits you'd get from eating any kind of food, or doing any kind of exercise, then with your defenses lowered they hit you with a bogus, too-good-to-be-true claim. More than likely you'll take it.
Trust no advertisement. That should have been Deep Throat's advice in the X-files. Perhaps not as pertinent to Mulder, though.